One awkward silence, and two hopes.

Moved.

2010-06-23T20:26:00.002+08:00

Off to blog somewhere else. Still on Blogger though.

I just won't update here anymore.

I'll reveal the new URL when I feel like it.

Swish

2010-06-18T17:23:00.004+08:00

O.M.G. HUISHAN.

THIS IS THE EMAIL I'VE BEEN WAITING TO RECEIVE FOR MONTHSSSSSSSS.

THE FINAL CHAPTER TO SWISH IS OUT. (H)

I guess all that ridiculous waiting paid off! :D

I'M SO EXCITED NOW THIS IS LIKE WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN THE LAST HP BOOK CAME OUT :)

_______

Edit/a while later:

Okay I am not exactly v happy with the ending. HAHA shit. Josh's speech was way better. She should have done what he told her to!! :(

But nonetheless this series is finally complete. I followed it from day one till now. So proud of myself. And of the author.

Live, love.

2010-06-16T12:41:00.003+08:00

solar bear says:
Yeah
I love James omgggggggg
and Josh is so damn awesome
If only Josh weren't gay!!
HAHA

I wish that we were magic, so we wouldn't be so young and tragic. says:
HAHAHA YEAH

solar bear says:
Yeah but the kissing in the rain was ULTIMATE

I wish that we were magic, so we wouldn't be so young and tragic. says:
YES OMG MY FAVOURITE KISS SCENE
'You asked about reality?'

solar bear says:
I died HAHAHAH
NO SHIT OMG when he went "reality is..." etc etc I was like :-O
and then I died
HAHA

I wish that we were magic, so we wouldn't be so young and tragic. says:
YES
I REALLY WANT SOMEONE LIKE HIM TO EXIST HAHA
No
I need someone like him to exist

solar bear says:
Ikr

I love MSN conversations during rainy afternoons. ♥

AND THIS IS THE OBJECT OF OUR AFFECTION.

Swish is the best story on FictionPress.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I waited for my heart to calm down. When I opened my eyes once again to the rain-curtained world around us, I found that he was closer. Less than a hands width between us, I was forced to look up at him. He was watching me intently, his eyes bright through the downpour.

"You can't leave." I said again, my voice catching.

"You asked about reality, Taylor?" His voice, through the rain, was just as hoarse and rough.

"Yes." I said, soaked and shivering.

Water streaming down his face, he brought a hand up, sliding warmly over my cold, wet neck to cup my cheek. His head tilted, and once again my heart began to pound, audible even through the endless roar of rain. He leant down, his dark head hovering slightly above and close to mine, mouth brushing against my cheek briefly as his mouth stopped near my ear. I heard him hesitate, and then, very softly, warm breath tickling my cold neck, shivers tingling down through my skin, he started talking.

"Reality is when you dribble a basketball, and I can't breath. Reality is when you argue with me, and I want to kiss you. Reality is when you walk down the hallway at school, and I can't keep my eyes off of you. Reality is when you say we're just friends… and it kills me."

Between us, the rain was still falling. Above us, thunder was still growling.

I was breathing hard, my pulse racing and my eyes closed.

His hand slid down my neck again; thumb brushing my jaw line as his head rose up slightly. Looking down at me, eyes brighter than I could stand, a flash of lightning lit up the sky for a moment, throwing shadows over his face.

My eyelashes flickered, the rain pelting down harder now, the wind blowing so much stronger.

James tilted his head down again, dark eyes perilously gleaming. My mind was spinning, not able to connect with my body. My thoughts were screaming at me, telling me to stop, telling me to run away. His hand on my neck sent shivers through me, warm and strong against the cold. His eyes captured my own, not letting me look away. His dark head, so close to my own, had me breathing faster and faster. The rain was still thick around us, falling heavily and drowning out my thoughts until I couldn't even think.

I stared at him through the rain, chest rising and falling, hands trembling.

"Reality is…" James said hoarsely, lips brushing against the corner of my mouth, "Reality is that I can't stop thinking about you."

My breath caught, my mind stilled, and I forgot about how cold I was.

_______

You know, when I was young I used to think that God made it rain whenever I was truly unhappy and crying inside, so that he could tell me that I wasn't the only one who was hurting.

Now, I don't believe in God anymore, but I still know that the rain falls for me.

Sleep/

2010-06-14T10:58:00.002+08:00

I get nightmares every night and sometimes I wake up crying. I can't get a decent sleep throughout the night, sometimes I don't sleep at all and sometimes I get so tired I sleep for 14 hours straight - in the day.

I'm terrified. I've fallen into a funk.
Please, please get out of my head. You can't be back.

Holid--what?

2010-06-07T18:38:00.003+08:00

It's the 2nd week of the holidays and I have yet to get anything done.
~~OhdeargodIamsoscrewed~~

You know, last night I was about to sleep when I thought about how crazy this year has been and how much I miss the people I haven't seen in the longest time. So I'm not really hinting or anything - or maybe I am - but for my birthday this year it would mean the world to me if I could just see all of you. It sucks that my school days end at 8pm on most days :(

I don't need a gift, or flowers, or balloons.
Just a chance to see you people.
It would be the best birthday present for me. :)

A Lesson In Charades.

2010-05-31T14:50:00.001+08:00

Don't bite your lip to hold back your smile
Just think of this
As bending the rules
You're walking a thin line
Between me and what's right
This thread seems worn and frayed
Don't hide your face
And cower behind
A wall made up
Of secrets and lies
You put it all on me
But if this is what's been wrong
Then why is your hand in mine?

One moment at a time
With nothing but your eyes
You make me scream
Stop and let me breathe
Regretting our first kiss
Taste the poison on your lips
Bloody and sweet
Stop and let me breathe.

This room is too cold to hold back your tears
And your heart is too weak to wear on your sleeve
If I'd allow myself to feel
The things I know I should
Then I might not be standing here
My mind is busy trying to sort through your words
Or lack thereof the ones that I want to hear
I rip my heart up piece by piece
To show you how I feel
If I thought that you'd even care.

One moment at a time
With nothing but your eyes
You make me scream
Stop and let me breathe
Regretting our first kiss
Taste the poison on your lips
Bloody and sweet
Stop and let me breathe.

Oh god this poison's spreading
Can't feel the ground beneath my feet
My hands won't stop shaking
My legs are crippled from defeat
My vision's getting blurry
My heart is breaking as you speak
Won't you listen to me?
To me
To me

One moment at a time
With nothing but your eyes
You make me scream
Stop and let me breathe
Regretting our first kiss
Taste the poison on your lips
Bloody and sweet
Stop and let me breathe.

- Asteria

Angels

2010-05-29T23:56:00.002+08:00

Do you know if angels exist?
I know they do, because I've met them.

If train/bus services/curfews do not exist, I think we would have stayed overnight at Vivo and talk about our lives until the sun rises the next morning.

Thanks for being there, Jem, Relle and Tim. ♥

Lie still, don't disappear

2010-05-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

You know, when I received my Theasthai results I wasn't sure what to feel. I don't think I really felt anything at all.

I did remember something though.

I remembered a time two years ago whilst preparing for SYF 2007. A certain senior had gotten a horrid scolding from the conductor and during the break she was in the toilet crying while her friend stood by to console her. She made a remark about it and left the toilet.

Later, during the remaining practice, Ms Sia stopped to ask her what she said in the toilet in front of the entire band. She stared at her for a long while, before spitting out the words with bitterness and a whole lot of determination,

"I said I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry."

Yeah. I don't know how or why my mind chose to bring up that memory.
But I'm not going to let anyone have the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

Hold it together even though the cracks are appearing.
Don't.
Shatter/

No return

2010-05-20T21:09:00.001+08:00

My life is falling apart
and I have returned to old ways.

I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough.

Because.

2010-05-16T09:31:00.002+08:00

Because sometimes you don't need words to explain.
Because wounds do heal after time.
Because the pain goes away.
Because the memories stay.
Because we learn to move on.
Because we'll reminisce the good times and not pine for it.

Because broken friendships can start over.
Because past mistakes can be erased.
Because what once made you cry finally brings a smile to your face.
Because we learn to forgive ourselves.
Because the other chooses to forgive you.
Because we look forward to see what the future holds.

Thank you, Athirah.

//
Post-production party, TJC band concert, high fever, sleep deprivation, rehearsals. That pretty much sums up the highlights of my week.

Something's getting in the way

2010-05-11T23:26:00.002+08:00

One of the worst days ever.
It's a miracle how I lasted till 10pm without crying.

But only until 10pm, anyway.

I'm emotionally drained.
I don't know what to think or feel anymore.
I don't want to face the world anymore.

But the show must go on.

You're 5 months sober.
Don't break it.

Up all night, I've got demons to fight.

2010-05-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

I have two common tests scheduled for this Friday and I ought to be studying for it. Still, I've feeling under the weather - depressed? - today and right now, right here at this moment I find no inspiration to save myself from the mess I'm getting into. So for tonight, I shall write.

I shall write myself to sleep because I have nothing to lose. I don't know what I'm gaining/losing anymore, really.

I shall write about a person I used to know.

She was happy and contented with life. She wasn't the best, she was never the star student, she was never a high achiever - but she didn't have any problems with that. She had close friends and she never kept a secret from any of them. Her heart and soul could be poured out so easily; she wasn't a perplexing mystery, just a confused child at times. She loved herself.

One day, she woke up and glanced at her reflection in the mirror. It was the same face, the same body, the same flesh that stood before her. Only this time she saw something different. She realised she wasn't so happy and contented with life after all. She wasn't the best, she was never the start student, she was never a high achiever - and she had problems with that. She had close friends but slowly she kept them far away. worries and concerns she would once spill were now locked inside, clawing at the walls and begging, screaming to escape, writhing inside as this new beast consumed her. She became a mystery, a distant soul from the rest of the world.

She hates herself.

And sometimes, I glance in the mirror, trying to search for traces of a girl I used to know.

~~I want to sleep and never wake up~~

Sometimes I still need you

2010-04-30T22:40:00.001+08:00

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard if before

♥

Done with PI, fucking ecstacy's running through my veins right now. Can you feel it?
Chem/Econs/GP hardcore revision for the weekend. True to your name, Labour Day.
Ain't my life great?

Still I'm finally, finally seeing the ESLR gang tomorrow for lunch.
I miss you guys.

We read the maps and signs, and we make the plans

2010-04-25T20:49:00.003+08:00

An extremely optimistic thought just hit me.
I survived half of Term 2.

Seriously. 5 weeks of failing every single test I sat for, having more homework piled up each day, researching on PI till 3am in the morning, sleeping less than 4 hours every day - I'm going to pull through. I survived 5 weeks of pure unmitigated torture and hell. I know I've been such a bitch lately and I've definitely pissed a lot of people off. I don't know how else to apologize except to tell you guys here that you are the ones making me survive through each day. I look forward to contact time, common breaks and seeing you guys along corridors. Thanks for still being there and putting up with my shit attitude (I really should get more sleep, shouldn't I?) and STILL being my friends.

Good job, Lyn!

The next challenge is to survive the next 5 weeks, which will have ~~twice~~ thrice as much workload than these 5 weeks. But I'm not going to worry about that now because what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Apart from that, here I am now in a new school environment and time to self-reflect once again. Would it be hurtful to say I haven't thought of Cedar in 3 months? I won't say I've stopped missing it, but there are things about AC that I prefer over Cedar. I like my privacy here and how nobody here really knows me. It's like existing here... but only on the surface level. Sometimes I feel like a drifter but then again these 2 years are going to pass by so quickly that it's not going to be an issue. I like the new company, the exponentially large number of friends I've made the past few weeks and just... being.

__

On the other hand, matters of the heart are too overwhelming.

I want to try and talk to you, I really do. I want to get to know you better, get to know what a good person you are, get to be your friend. Yeah I think I'm a rather sad slob. It's been more than a month and yes unrequited pining is pathetic, I know it. Except now I'm not so sure if I would still try and talk to you or just remain at the comfortable distance I'm at now because you remind me too much of someone I used to know.

/

I see your name and the cursor hovers over for minutes until the screen dims and switches to screensaver mode.

It absolutely terrifies me that I will have to see you soon. I'm so, so terrified of what you have to say to me... If you do, at all.

Whether you'd finally break the silence and say, "Let's put the past behind."

Or we'll just walk past each other like we do every single time for the past year.

I can't believe that after shoving this back into the closet for the umpteenth time, trying to forget the reason why I slowly bleed inside, trying to let go and move on, trying to give others a chance to come into my life, I'm reminded of it again.

I don't want to return to the same process of crying myself to sleep every night because I'm too tired to pick myself up again after the tears have stopped and try to move on again.

You're the constant reminder of how much I've failed to be a friend.

/

On a last note, for those who can't follow, I'm talking about two people.
Duh.

Theatre Week 2010

2010-04-11T13:49:00.002+08:00

Being involved in Theatre Week pissed the hell out of my parents and my form tutor, left me with sleep deprivation and transformed me into a cold-blooded mammal (what with being cooped up in a freezing chamber for 12 hours every day), taught me how to adapt the art of not inhaling (although the smell of sweat+Febreeze+feet is alreasy etched into my brain forever), made me do housework for the first time in my life (Yeah, seriously.), reached home at 2.20am this morning.

And I'm in love with every bit of it. ♥

Tomorrow life will resume its ~~lazy~~ crazy pace. I am terrified of the next dive in this roller coaster ride.

//
I will never be able to muster the courage to talk to you and get to know you better. I want to talk to you, really, I do, but I can never find the words to speak, I'll never make eye contact with you for long and the only thing I'll every say to you - and you to me - is a simple hi and a nod of acknowledgement.

Is it selfish of me to ask for more?

Yeah, it probably is.

Too much on your mind tonight

2010-04-04T09:30:00.004+08:00

I've got to look at things from a different perspective. Time to take a deep breath and face the next few weeks as best as I can. I'm not going to give up; I'm taking things one step at a time. It's a scary phase but I know I'll always have you guys by my side, no matter how far we are geographically (okay cut the crap, Singapore's only 64 sq km in size and we aren't THAT far). Know that I'm always thinking of you guys and you're the ones that help me to pull through. Every single one of you! :)

Maybe it's true, maybe I'm thinking too much about you. I know I shouldn't, but I do.
Why? :/
~~It's not like I stand a chance, really.~~

Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight - The Academy Is

You don't have to sail the oceans

2010-03-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

It's 12.23am, the Friday of Term 2 Week 1 and I am feeling very awake right now. I probably shouldn't have taken the two-hour nap at 6 just now. Still, the night is young, tomorrow is carefree and we shall live fast and die young (don't you just love this quote?). I've plugged in The Lizzie McGuire Movie soundtrack (random selection) and I'll dance the night away. It's good that you're not here to see it because I can't dance but I like to dance so this is why I tend to do it in the middle of the night.

I'm ranting, why am I ranting? It feels good to be blogging again, I guess.

This week has been more chaotic than I can ever describe in words. Thesethai 2010 monologue selections are finally settled and approved and I can take a breather. The full-fledged Fun-O-Rama preparations are tomorrow and if we're lucky we get to go home at 2pm (Yes please TYVM I want to complete my Grey's Anatomy Season 5 marathon) Homework has not come in full-force yet, so after this week it gets worse. Still, I'm trying not to think about it. Official PW work is starting soon, common tests are arriving, Theatre Week is just around the corner and really, I hope I can pull through the next 9 weeks.

"Yeah, I have a crush on someone. But I'm not telling who, I hope you don't mind. I prefer when people don't know, you know?"
"Yeah it's okay, I understand what you mean. I like the feeling of liking someone without him or anyone else knowing. It's nice to be able to appreciate someone even if it's from afar. I guess the person may never know but somehow it's nice to keep it that way. You avoid the awkwardness and the simple gestures remain the most sincere and not out of sympathy."
"Yeah, exactly."

I can't believe this but I just yawned three times in a row. I guess the midnight dancing can wait another day but I'm sure I'll find one soon. Goodnight, world. It's 12.51am now.

How long?

2010-03-17T23:27:00.002+08:00

Today was mostly a happy day. Let's ignore the fact that I had Maths tuition at 9.30 in the morning (read: annihilation of brain cells, which can be considered highly detrimental since brain cells are unable to regenerate). Today was 1SD4's Banner Painting. It's lovely to be able to see the class again. We are such nonsense when we come together but we're awesome nonetheless. I can never imagine being in another class as fun as this. (Save me the PW lecture. I know PW hasn't started and that by the end of this year I may have different sentiments about the class but for now, even if it's just for a while more, I'll immerse myself in a happy bubble. I love my class, period. It's going to take a lot to change my opinion.) Everybody was more or less drugged and getting high from the smell of paint and putrid stench of turpentine (later on, it seemed that every breath of air I inhaled carried that smell, even when we were at Somerset later on. The turpentine probably burned itself right into the walls of my trachea). Speaking of paint, I just casually cocked one leg up to my chair and to my horror, discovered that the yellow paint (stupid bloody non-acrylic highly toxic oil-based suitable for wall painting)
is still on the sole of my right foot. Fml x 6.02x10^23

Then I went home. I decided to walk back from the MRT station because it felt like a good night to. I walked past the overhead bridge and that was when I saw this girl seated at the bottom step, crying her heart out. I stopped, and looked at her. Instinctively, I reached into my bag and took out a packet of tissue paper. A million thought were racing through my head. Give it to her, lend her a helping hand out of the mess she's in.
I took a step forward. And another.
I looked down, saw my trembling hands.
I took a deep breath and turned and headed home.

You're just the same. Running away from everything, as always.
Will your conscience haunt you when you see the papers the next day and see that someone has ended her life because nobody offered a helping hand to her?

But things aren't as easy when you're reminded of your own past, how no one was there to help you when you were at your lowest point. Perhaps a small part of you wanted to let her suffer the same way you did.
Such a clouded judgement, plagued by your worst nightmares.

One thing I've learnt today? It's not easy to spill your deepest, darkest secrets.

Sometimes, I envy those who can talk about unpleasant memories and laugh it off as if it were a mere momentary weakness in their lives. How much courage do they possess to be able to do something like that? How much nonchalance to such issues in life? These are the things I'll never be able to comprehend. Sometimes, sentimentality becomes a chore, a burden, a grief.

~~Iswearthatsolongasthisburdenexistsnoonewillknownoonewilleverfindoutnoonecaneverfindout~~

How long before I can spill my deepest, darkest secrets?

How long before I can break free from the guilt and regret of my past mistakes?

How long...
Before I can let someone - anyone? - into my heart again?

Return of the kleeshayes

2010-03-15T12:14:00.003+08:00

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Ashleigh stood outside the souvenir shop, surveying the items on display. She eyed the same musical box that stood at the top left corner of the window display; a dancing couple, with features ever so delicate. The girl had the most exquisite and elegant halter dress in a shade of Bordeaux wine, her petite frame supported by her male partner, decked out in a formal tuxedo. They were encased in the box, a box that represented their perfect world, dancing to the wind-up melody that played – a sweet crinkling tune of Romeo and Juliet’s theme. As much as they were miniature painted figurines, they were as real as they could be; at least, their love was. When the music stopped, their eyes never left each other, with their sparkling eyes, her painted rosy cheeks and the a smile etched upon his countenance, they looked as happy as Cupid would allow it.

Then sleep took over (okay maybe I shouldn't have done this at 3.17am in the morning). I'll continue writing, I swearrrrrrrrr. Just give me some more inspiration (divine intervention?). Oh yeah, and a good name for a guy. I have infinite trouble with names.

_____

Edit @ 16/3/2010
Cassandra: MS KUAH'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD THAT I CANT KEEP UP GOT ME SINGING LIKE NANANANA EVERYDAY GRAPH SKETCHING I CANT CALCULAAAATTEEE~

Got me laughing for hours!

When angst becomes your weakness

2010-03-12T17:57:00.004+08:00

Today is a day of randomness, melancholy, listlessness, tiredness, angst, sadness, longing, reminiscence, nolstagia and-
freedom?

Is freedom really as it is when you're still chained to the present, bounded by the realms of your physical reality? An elusive cover can do nothing more then to deceive the world of the truth. Nothing can hide yourself from the truth-

The truth hurts
The past hurts
The present hurts
I don't want the future to hurt
It hurts
It fucking hurts
The pain that slowly bleeds out
until it's empty, void, hollow
gone

I hate the feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders. Atlas, ever so bent-backed, made me wonder if he had a choice in taking up the weight of the world? He probably didn't. The world doesn't care about how you feel;

The world just wants to hurt
When you sit and watch
and the world laughs along with, no, at you
Losing all sense of control
You sit and watch as your life is snatched away
by people who ~~don't know~~ don't care

I'm seated at the same desk of the same room of the same apartment of the same block of the same neighbourhood of the same country of the same world of the same dimension every day. Everything has changed but nothing has changed. The world is as complex as it was before; you can't solve a problem with one step any more, it's not as easy as 1 plus 1 in this world that we live in and we have to deal with it

So tell me, why is it so hard to deal?

There're so many things I want to say / There is nothing I can say. The words linger behind these lips, I force them out but these lips won't budge. Silence is golden, tainted with the blackness of the unknown
the absence of colour
the fear of not knowing

Creating illusions in your mind to lie to yourself
I won't be so alone this way
I won't have to see myself in the mirror
and remind myself the worst of memories

I want to stop feeling like ~~the~~ my world's going to end.

For one moment

2010-03-06T08:20:00.003+08:00

I had this realisation today that I miss having someone to talk about things to. Except I realised one moment later that I never spoke to anyone about my deepest secrets and feelings. So why am I feeling this way? I've never felt the need to talk to someone about these things before but somehow these days it's been overwhelming.

I like it when I have a secret and no one else knows. I like it when the other party doesn't know because to some way I feel... special, that I knew something everybody else didn't, even if it was just about myself. I have a irrational fear of failure. I'm scared they'll be disappointed in me. I'm scared I'm not who I want to be. I get this feeling that I'm never going to be able to do this good enough.

For one small fleeting moment the thought crossed my mind and I wondered if I could have been-
never mind.

Have you ever taken a walk in the middle of the night where the city sleeps and the lights are always bright? You'll come to realise no one else notices your presence in this world at that time - no matter how noticeable you may seem, standing out from the pavement next to an empty and well-lit road. Simply because no one is there to watch and observe.

The insignificance is painful.

After the Twelfth Night play at La Salle College last night I wandered off to the streets. I walked and didn't other asking for directions. I simply walked until I saw that I had reached my destination, except I didn't feel like stopping and continued walking. Before I knew it I ended up at KK Hospital (partly because I had to use the toilet but mainly I just had nothing better to do). So being the weird person I was I walked around the hospital, knowing that I wasn't the only one who wasn't home at that time of the night. Who could ever call the hospital a home? For some it holds only the worst of memories. I saw an ambulance rushing into the A&E department and I wondered if that person would make it through the night. The hospital never sleeps, but the patients do and sometimes they won't ever wake up.

Being there brought some memories back. I won't mention what and who but some may know. After I left that place I decided to go ahead and write out that story that's been playing in my head for quite awhile now.

Dedicated to the survivors of their own battles.

I took the last train home.

Hiatus.

2010-03-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

Until
Further notice/School stops giving me fucking homework/I find some freedom time/I stop feeling like the world's going to end.

Goodnight.

I've painted all this over, been working overtime

2010-02-27T21:45:00.004+08:00

Today is the first day in over a year I've ever had to return to school on a weekend. (Seriously.) I shan't complain though, today was fun. Of course we wasted about 2+ hours sitting around and doing nothing but when we actually got around to doing something it was quite great. I managed to escape paint-free until the last 5 minutes when I (mysteriously) found two paint streaks on my shirt. Now my shirt still reeks of turpentine even after I've soaked it for the past 5 hours. Not to mention my whole bag since I stpidly forgot to bring a plastic bag to put the turpentine-reeking shirt in.

Went to Bugis after that with Valerie, Joshua, Elena and Jeremy since we all had nothing to do for the next few hours. Spent the whole time debating and constructing theories. So far, here's my envisioned genius-level theory.

Sherilyn's Theory: JEREMY KIERAN NG'S THEORIES ARE FLAWED.

I shall continue to challenge your Hi theory. As for your Bye theory you've disproved it yourself so you're just letting my theory gain credit :D

Spent the rest of the time bitching about Robz Patz and other shit. The cinema level is actually a nice place to sit around and talk about nothing/everything. What we did was total nonsense, and every bit worth it. (Y) I'm glad today actually happened!

Back to school and trivial matters, my pile of homework is accumulating. Fuckkk. And I'm secretly mad at Amanda (HAHA) for not being able to meet up yesterday. AMANDA WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING TO NEIGHBOURING SCHOOLS WHEN WE CAN'T EVEN SEE EACH OTHER!! I miss you like crazy :( It just occured to me that we actually agreed to go to school with each other every morning and if possible, every day after school. As of today I have not seen you in 15 days, the last time being at Vivo. :O Life sucks when your whole clique gets split up! HC/ACS(I)/AC/TJ/VJ At least one of us is in each of the aforementioned schools. WHAT IS THIS!!!

Meanwhile I shall carry on the arduous task of trying to start on my homework. First up: Research on 19th century Scandinavian culture/furniture/costume/etiquette.

Omg

P/S: How the hell does this formspring.me thing work
and 林欣雅 if you spam it you die. I'LL KNOW IF IT WAS YOU :)

First day of the rest of my life / I miss you already

2010-02-22T20:43:00.005+08:00

It seems like I've disappeared off the realm of this world for the past week. Sorry about that. Today is the first day of implementation of my (incredibly sucky) timetable. Why so, you ask.

- Apart from Wednesdays, I end at 4.30pm every day. And those are just lessons alone.
- DEP Movement and Voice lessons actually don't end at 4.30pm. Mostly 5.15pm++.
- I have to continue taking Chinese for hopes of even getting a PSC scholarship.
- I only found out four minutes ago that A-level Chinese will still have oral and listening comprehension.
- WHAT THE FUCK I haven't touched anything related to the Chinese language since 10th November 2009.
- ACSian crew days are actually on Saturdays. On the brighter note, I will have a (fucking awesome and) free Wednesday afternoon where I can be one of the few who leaves the college at 1.50pm. On a mellow note, my Saturday plans are all screwed.
- College life is raher lonely especially when you have different breaks from most of your friends. Joanne and I are only able to meet each other for 20 minutes on two days during our breaks. Half the time I cannot find Xiao Hui or Victoria because of their literature and geography lessons.
- College life is giving me gastric ulcers. I can't even find the time to eat.
- Did I mention how much tutorials suck?
- I miss you guys (you know who you are!) like crazy. FUCKING CRAZY.

Enough of my ranting. Still amidst all these I'm pretty much loving JC life here. It's a non-stop roller coaster ride and it's pretty addictive. My class is more awesome than anyone can ever ask for. It helps to have such an amusing teacher too. By the way, guys, I've recorded down the math tutorial lesson. Helluva hilarious listening to it. (Y)

Had the first official DEP movement class today. Phil, the ballet instructor came in and made us stretch, point, jump, keep our neutral spine position and do all things ballet for 1.5 hours. I don't think I can get out of bed tomorrow morning. I'm pretty screwed for Math lessons. Not only do I not understand tutorials and lectures, I can't even begin to grasp what Mr Lim (tuition teach) is saying. Fml/Mlia.

I've decided to skip on Arts Nite tonight to give myself time to give Gene a call and (try to) complete those bloody tutorials. It's probably a waste to miss out on all that fun but there're always other things as well.

I will probably not be updating again until HSHN gves me a prompt every week on what to write. Sorryyyyyyyyyyy. Being busy drains your creativity.

Lunar

2010-02-16T22:29:00.005+08:00

Today was a pretty traumatising day. Firstly, having to wake up at 7.45am (which was a stupid mistake) does not improve your sanity, especially when you only went to bed at 2.30 the same morning.

So I went off with my aunt to have a Swensen's breakfast for the first time in my life. The portions are huge. I was full for the next seven hours. I guess the meal was about $10.

I've finally made up my mind to try contact lenses, under (extreme) persuasion from Jayme. So the second thing my aunt paid for: $190 worth of contacts.

Later, we passed by Goldheart and decided to get my ears pierced (2nd pair of earholes), just for the heck of it. Somehow I think there was some error in communication between us and the salesperson, or perhaps my aunt just wanted to buy it but the next thing I knew, I had my ears pierced ($35) and I was walking out of that store... with a piece of $588 jewellery (some white gold earrings) as well. What can I say? It scared the living soul out of me. I was walking around with that amount of money in my bag the whole time.

On top of that, she's also paying for my GC which costs $175 (that bloody piece of equipment that will be useless 2 years from now). I feel somewhat guilty. As of this CNY break my aunt has spent $998 on me.

But that aside, I spent my afternoon at Lan's house with Gene and Daphne to 拜年. Spent hours camwhoring and taking over 100 (135 to be exact) pictures, half of which were attempts at jump-shots. Honestly, that was an excellent form of exercise. I'm just relieved the neighbours didn't lodge a complaint.

Went home, usual boring stuff, tried to work on a new essay but no ideas were flowing so I gave up and went to bed at 11pm.

When it rains

2010-02-14T09:11:00.002+08:00

I doubt I've ever mentioned this before but I like to get new ideas for my stories from Postsecret. I know it's weird and sometimes just down right depressing but I like to create stories of these people. Try to figure out what their life is really like, what caused them to have these secrets, what would happen to them in the future. I know I'm not doing much, rather I'm not doing anything to help their real-life situation, but in some way it comforts myself to know that I try to write a piece of work that made a life full of shit turn around for the better. I'm writing for them and even though they won't ever know it, I feel happy doing this. :)

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
You know in primary school I was always scolded by my teacher for not writing stories well enough

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
I think I was too happy a kid back then that I didn't have anything to write about
Now life sucks and writing comes in haha

solar bear:
yeah I AGREE about the life sux one

solar bear:
the more shit you go through, the better you write

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
YES I KNOW no wonder Sylvia Plath did what she did. She was true to her art

2010-02-13T00:57:00.002+08:00

What are the chances I can qualify for a Gifted Education programme? Am I even gifted to begin with?

What are the chances I can actually even qualify for this dream programme of mine?

No. I musn't back down.
I'll fight for this until the very end.
I won't give up without a fight.

Still, I'm terrified because if I fail there's a chance I may not have the courage left to pick up the pen to write again and continue where I left off.

It may end there. And that's what scares me the most.

If only you knew

2010-02-10T18:19:00.005+08:00

My confidence level has reached an all time low. Then again, was it ever really at a normal level to begin with? I hate this. It's back. In my head. The voice I swore I'd forget. These secrets I've kept in my past are coming back to haunt me.

I've gone and done it again.
Stupid
fool
110 days free since the last time and you had to break it.

It terrifies me whenever I think about how you'd react if you ever find out, you know? I don't know how much longer I can keep up this false pretense. I'm drained, I'm muddled, I'm mindfucked and I am not okay.

I.don't.want.to.think.about.anything.anymore.
This is killing me.

2010-02-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

"Eh how now brown cow? Sherilyn you write these kind of stories one right! Give me advice leh."
"... We-wait, what? How did you know what kind of stories I write!?"
"Haha I dunno! You look like it!"

LOOK LIKE WHAT? I have yet to find out how Jayme knew the kind of fiction I write, because I don't recall ever telling her. :O

Today was a different day. I headed down to VJC along with Kai, Ayu and the class of 2AD3 to sell Fun-O-Rama coupons. I had to miss 4 lectures and honestly I am actually rather worried. I missed my first econs lecture (since I don't know a bloody thing about the study of the economy) and second maths lecture (which is not a good thing, seeing as to how I still can't get the calculator to perform like a normal calculating tool). I probably should start worrying, shouldn't I?

I will have a lot of catching up to do.

ACJC Orientation 2010

2010-02-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

For the past week I wasn't interested in blogging or writing at all for that matter. I spent time browsing through others' blogs only to realise they have not updated theirs as well. (YES I'm talking to you 林欣雅) Yet somehow today something snapped in me. (Okay I wouldn't say snap, because snapping is always a bad thing. Try 'something enlightened me')

I realise so many people read my blog (Yes in case you gaise don't know I stalk you stalking my blog) looking for something and yet I have nothing to give.

So I've decided that I will post about Orientation. If I don't do this now I probably never will.

Due to the lack of a functional memory, I cannot recall much about the 5 days of orientation, apart from the games under the scorching sun and the disgusting tan lines and the mud. What can I say? I was warned months ago. Crawling through the mud left me multiple scratches and scab wounds on my knees. Still, unlike a certain Jayme at least I had decent sense to crawl through the mud like all the others, rather than attempting to dive AND slide through the mud under the false pretense that it may be faster to get to the other end.

So most of you have been asking how JC life has been for me so far. I'll put this down here. I've been in an all-girls' school for the past 10 years so entering junior college was, simply put, a huge culture shock. I try not to stick to the girls too much but it is second nature after all. One of the things I am most unsatisfied with is having to restrain my behaviour. In Cedar I could insert multiple 'f***'s into a sentence without giving a damn about what others thought of it. Here, people can get very judgemental and you have to choose your words carefully, always consider the consequences of your actions, make sure you don't send others wrong body signals. It's the part where you hav to be so careful about being yourself that, without realising it, you're not yourself anymore. If given a choice I would roll my eyes at the teachers behind my back, cuss under my breath at anyone that displeases me and give hugs to anybody, anywhere when I have a good day. I would not give a damn about being civilised.

But what can I say? This is the real world. I am out of the safety blanket that has enveloped me the past four (ten to be exact) years and it's a whole new world outside.

I can't really adapt to change. I have volatile reactions to change. (Please spare me the 'Who moved my Cheese?' talk) For the most of the 5 orientation days I could barely take my mind off Cedar. I miss the friends, I miss the teachers, I miss the classrooms, I miss the cheers... The list goes on infinitely. Which is why "campfire" night (there is no actual fire for those who are wondering) took me by surprise.

In the midst of the blasting speakers and wild train formations I did not even think about Cedar for once... And I enjoyed every single second that night. Despite an hour before that when my OG Vesta and Gloria's OG (can't remember the name) were at Suntec and I met the countless number of ex-Cedarians who were there waiting for their mass dance to commence. During that time I just felt incredibly lonely. I imagined what it would be like if I went to VJ. Sure, it would be rather sickening because it's the exact same environment all over again, but at least my safety blanket will still be with me for two more years. I'd be meeting the 100-odd girls I spent my last 4 years with every day. To see a familar face, not to mention faces, in a crowd is more comforting than you can ever imagine.

For a fleeting second I even considered skipping AC's campfire and crashing VJ's mass dance instead. I could borrow a shirt from any one of my friends and I would fit in just that easily. No one would notice. I'm naive, aren't I?

We returned to AC almost an hour later than the reporting time. Things really began to pick up after 8pm and soon the whole hall was wild. Wild, crazy, insane and - may I say it - fucking fun. Music meant for free dance ended up being used for mass human trains. I don't snort coke, or any other drug for that matter, but I think at that time I felt an out-of-the-world high, the same kind you'd probably get from drugs. Only I did it without the drugs (impressive!!).

Of course, with all that screaming for more than 3 hours it was no surprise that I lost my voice. Well, almost. I had this incredibly sexy and raspy voice which sounded like Darth Vader's breathing. I decided to skip supper with Vesta (so that I have a 50% higher chance of waking up on time to get to Lanxin's house to have my skirt altered) and went home with Joanne and Lovin. And within the next few minutes we managed to persuade Jeremy (Joanne's OG mate) to cab with us too. We figured getting a guy to come along with us would be a wise decision considering it was late at night. When we went outside, we bumped into Wilma (PL Primary friend). Hooray, hooray, 5 people living in Hougang = incredibly cheap taxi fare for a ridiculously long distance.

Reached home much earlier than expected, and I can't remember when I fell asleep.

And with that, my friends, I have summed up my Orientation in ACJC.

Now it's your turn.

Thank you.

2010-01-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

You are starting to fade away.
And for the first time,
I've never been happier.

Someday I'll see you and...
who knows what will happen then?

We'll find out someday.

I MISS YOU

2010-01-29T21:24:00.000+08:00

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
and i want you to be a perfect scorer!!!
(H)

manda says:
HAHA
awww
thanks :D

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
then you will advertise for New Moon
and I will buy more ji jing

manda says:
LOLOLOLOL

manda says:
haha but i drink brands!
TWILIGHT ESSENCE HAHAHAAHHA

Where's the kid with the chemicals? says:
who would even drink that it's filled with sparkling faggots in a vacuum sealed bottle
revolting

Always something more you wish he'd say

2010-01-27T17:25:00.003+08:00

Everything You Want (Cover) - Boyce Avenue

Somehow, I would prefer something with a little more originality - considering they used exactly the same strumming, tabs and vocal rendition - but this is still my most favourite song and I love it all the same. :)

Speaking of which Samsam was the one who introduced this to me. Texted me today and found out she's going to her dream school :) Speaking of which I'm not sure who I mentioned this to before, but she is perhaps the most influential person in my life. She was the one who told me to start watching an episode in Season 5 of CSI, because she thought Greg Sanders was the cutest lab tech ever. From here, you know how the rest goes. She was also the one who introduced me this song (Everything You Want) over MSN one night when I asked her for more music to fill my barren playlist. Literally, this song opened up my world to rock (and every other form of) music.

I'm glad I got to know you through Angklung :)

Unwound

2010-01-27T14:19:00.004+08:00

Guess what, world? I have once arrived at Writer's Block #29463541848. I don't know what to post here anymore, I don't bother working on my stories anymore, I don't know what to say or think anymore. Soon, I will go on a hiatus and I don't know when I'll be back since JC is going to be crazy and I probably won't even have the time to wait for the laptop to start, much less say use it. I tried to move to LJ but the HTML is so fucking hard to edit. Seriously, I was never stumped by HTML but LJ is insane. I choose to remain here since you can customise more easily and they save drafts automatically (i.e. Xanga doesn't. Bitch!!!)

I did get into my first choice JC after all. All I feel is relief. Looking back I wonder why I was so insistent on going there. Now as I go down the list I realise I didn't just want to get away from the Cedar environment (like JY said, you get kind of sick of it), I wanted to erase my history.

Get rid of my past mistakes,
get rid of failed friendships,
get rid of my previous existence.

The thought itself scares me because I don't understand why I want to do this so badly.

I want to be somewhere where no one knows who I was.

I don't know what to feel anymore.
I was never a more-than-one-emotion kind of person.
This is overwhelming.

(Edit)
Then again, I think I will start on that narrative I never managed to give to Mdm Audra to grade, because, if I remembered correctly, I was doing shit SS essays.

Watch me make you hate me

2010-01-26T17:22:00.001+08:00

One of the saddest secrets I've ever come across.

How to play Taboo with the C.O.A.Ls (@ Mind Cafe)

2010-01-25T23:04:00.004+08:00

Cathlin: "Emily is a...?"
"ALIEN!!!"
"AH LIAN!!!"
"Socialite!"

(Correct answer: Creature)

Emily: "Which animal goes like this? *Roar, with hands imitating a paw*
"LION!!!"
"TIGER!!!"
"POLAR BEAR!!!"
"LADY GAGA!!!"

(Correct answer: Dinosaur)

Emily: "You drink this every morning."
"(All sorts of beverages)"
Emily: "Okay I give up. It's mouthwash lah"
"....."
Aqila: "YOU DON'T DRINK MOUTHWASH"

Cathlin: "We are so full of...?"
"SHIT!!!!"

(Correct answer: Nonsense)

I was laughing so hard I can't recall anything else but the fact that I have toned my stomach muscles. Oh, and the beautiful, beautiful Fred and George Help Card in Harry Potter Cluedo. And that someone else who played the game before us stole the Draco Malfoy token.

Went out with Jeannica today, and I got my stunning YakPak bag. :)
And she paid for my MixStyle headphones. (I WILL RETURN YOU THE $ :D)
Yes.

MIXSTYLE.

I finally have my hands on one!

2010-01-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEANNICA!

OMG I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND SOMEDAY WHEN WE'RE ALREADY ADULTS I'M still GOING TO CRASH YOUR HOUSE AND CHAT ABOUT ALL THINGS UNDER THE SUN AND EAT A WHOLE TUB OF BEN AND JERRY'S PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM AND HANG OUT AT HEARTLAND MALL AND SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE AND TALK TO EACH OTHER AT NIGHT USING OUR WALKIE TALKIES BECAUSE WE ARE COOL AND WE KNOW IT.

Happy 17th, my primary school best friend - but you're still one of my best friends and that's not going to change!

When I turn 18 let's go party at St. James. It's a must. :)

Let's stay together　いつも
(You KNOW what song this is!)

For a smile they can share the night

2010-01-15T00:49:00.005+08:00

I accidentally deleted my cut-tag function when I redid this blog template and I iz too lazy to insert it back into the html so I shall just let this post be as long as it is. Endure the scrolling. ♥

(11:12 PM)
catzzzz says:
ac is really fun

catzzzz says:
oh now you dont have to buy funfair tix from sam HAHAH

THIS MADE MY DAY (L) I WIN YOU SAM!
__________

(11:18 PM)
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
sometimes i wonder how many are gay there

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
haha considering all of them so good looking

Jayme (!!!) says:
HAHAHAH OMG SHERILYN

Jayme (!!!) says:
stop making me laugh so hard in the night

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
HAHAHA WHAT ITS TRUEEEEEEEEEE

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
during open house my friend saw two guys holding hands

Jayme (!!!) says:
omg wasted!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
and it's not like the let's-hold-hands-and-skip-around-the-school-because-we're-good-buddies kind of holding

Jayme (!!!) says:
hahahaha omg
__________

(11:10)
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
catzzzz says:
*ohhh true
*their ties are like
*ARMANI
*35 bucks

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
good luck amanda

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
omgz

manda says:
HAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
DON'T LET THOSE RICH BASTARDS PUT YOU DOWN!!!

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

manda says:
HAHAHA okok

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
WE POORER PEOPLE WILL KICK THEIR ASSES AND SHOW THEM WHAT HUMBLE ASSES ARE MADE OF

manda says:
HAHA YEAH MAN

manda says:
girl no need wear tie tho hahahaah

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
oh.
_________

That sums up my ~~evening~~ late night.
Oh, and I submitted my JAE form.
Yay.

A mess it grows

2010-01-13T10:04:00.002+08:00

Customer Service suckzxz. Awesome comic. Drown yourself in it.

But of course, what life would be meaningless without an Anti-Twilight comic too!
Sparkling faggot!!!

I'm feeling calm and happy today.
Listening to Mélanie Pain is probably the best way to start your morning.

Glacier's melting in the dead of night

2010-01-12T20:39:00.005+08:00

You elitist bastards. Just because you guys are an independent school doesn't mean you need to have a campus that stretches three bus stops. Are you not aware that we are currently facing a shortage in land area, which results in a shortage of housing and that ultimately this will affect the standard of living for the people?

0.0

Went with Amanda to see NJC Open House today.
- We were late, so we decided to skip the guided tours we signed up for.
- Zhao Ming was assigned to greet people at the entrance.
ZM: (sees cedar house tee) (gasps)
Me: (shrieks/squeals) (drags amanda forward, running away from the entrance)
- Got bored, went to Bishan
- Subway is too filling for the Singaporean diet. Don't you think?
- Spent two hours at the library. Geeks ftw!

Meeting Grace tomorrow.
Open House and 6 Patience gathering planning. Long overdue. :O

carefulignorancebrickbyboringbrickturnitofftheonlyexceptionlookingupwherethelinesoverlapmisguidedghostsalliwanteddecode

2010-01-12T01:25:00.002+08:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH HSHN. :)
Thank you for being there when no one else is just to listen to my verbal vomit and tolerate my ultra-short attention span at ungodly hours of the morning. I know that life has forced you to leave the nocturnal life and I'll definitely miss the 3am conversations.

Cheer up, okay? One grade on a measley piece of paper cannot take away your happiness. I think solar bears disappearing off the face of this planet is worth crying over more. (H)

By the way I seriously cannot tutor you in Physics anymore because the verdict is out today. Save yourself and get a better tutor please for your sake and mine HAHA.

LOVE YOU!!!
_________

I've decided to post my results because I'm satisfied with it. It's nowhere near the best but why do you want to live life always trying to be in pursuit of perfection, only to find yourself falling short and disappointing yourself? I'm happy because I worked hard, I tried my best and that's all I really need.

Omnia mea mecum porto. I live by my motto.

English - A2
Combined Humanities (SS,GE) - A1
Mathematics - A2
Additional Mathematics - A1
Physics - B3
Chem - A2
Biology - B3
Higher Chinese - B3 (Miracle of the century)
Chinese (from 2008) - A2

So that gives me a total of 10 points for L1R5 and with the bonus points I have 6. I think I've pretty much made up my mind where to go. I've even found a partner to journey the one hour to school every morning.

We'll see how this goes. :)

caines says:
I, grace caines, will do whatever it takes to get into ACJC
your turn

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
I, sherilyn ng, will do whatever it takes to get into ACJC (except arson, murder and the seven deadly sins)

caines says:
haha my stand on arson is flimsy...*-) i like fire

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
hahahaha oh boy that may be a problem 8-)

Famous words

2010-01-10T16:14:00.003+08:00

solar bear says:
Damn bad

solar bear says:
I can't understand latent heat to save my life

solar bear says:
How much heat is required before I vapourise? I WONDER.

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile. says:
OMG QUOTE OF THE DAY

_____________

"Nutella is sex in a bottle." - Aqila

FML

2010-01-10T01:20:00.004+08:00

I talked to someone on Omegle for over an hour. It was the first decent conversation I had and that person was awesome. Intelligent for a 15-year-old too and not some kind of 40 year old pervert.

Then the screen said "Connection asploded".

FUCK MY LIFE. and horrible Internet connection.

I've been searching for the past hour. The odds are bleary. 1/4655 chance. I'm on the verge of giving up soon. So this is the last resort. I hope you know how to use Google.

This was what we talked about:

Doctor, Paramedic, Zwolle, National Geographic, Stroopwafels, Drugs, Death Sentences, Politics, Weblog, Detch, English, Language, Locked Up Abroad, ADHD, Backpacking, Vatican City, Photography, Writing.

Google search engine, please work your magic.

Penny for a thought

2010-01-06T09:53:00.003+08:00

I knew right away that I had ruined it. Whatever jokiness had existed between us - I had killed the substance of it. McGrath would be friendly to me from now on (and I was right in thinking that, he was always friendly, for the year-plus that he remained before he graduated from Ault) but the friendliness would be hollow. In killing him, I had ended the only overlap between our lives. "Assassinate anyone lately?" he would ask, months later, when we passed each other, just the two of us in a corridor of the third floor between fifth and sixth periods. Or, "How are your pillowcases holdin' up?" I might laugh, or say, "They're okay" - something short. McGrath didn't want to talk, of course, it wasn't as if we had anything to say to each other. I knew all this, I understood the rules, but still, nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

- ©2005 Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld

This novel is great in so many ways that I cannot even describe. It's most definitely not the kind of prep school fiction à la Gossip Girl, but the kind where there is a brutal form of honesty in it. Everything about this book is so honest that it really makes you believe - in the book, in the author, in the fictatious characters that are really, primarily based on real life. Despite the setting at a prestigious prepatory school, the experiences recounted in this book are merely the same as what would have been told from the eyes of someone who'd gone to public school. Ultimately, high school remains the same and Sittenfeld knows this well.

They say that every once in a while a person picks up a book that can change his life forever. For me, this book is the one. It'll definitely be at the top of my head in many years' to come; if asked to state my favourite book, I'd have to say it's Prep.

Out of 420 pages this excerpt was probably the turning point for me. The protagonist, Lee, kills McGrath Mills in a schoolwide game of Assasin in her freshman year at Ault. I felt the raw truth and that deep sense of melancholy, and above all a sense of regret knowning I had felt the same thing before. Knowning that you've passed someone in the hallway, exchanging just a curt nod whilst remembering at that instant that once upon a time there was a real conversation between you and the other.

It made me think of classmates I'd never even bothered to bond with because I never really took much notice. Yet the tiniest fleeting memory lingers as I remember the smallest of shared conversations we had. Something that had real emotion and not just superficial, emotionless talk. It made me remember about Mei Xuan and Michelle S and how I never really did get to know them. The only "overlap between our lives" was being classmates and beneath that there wasn't anything else that can relate them to myself.

The game of Assasin is a metaphor created for the game we play in life with other people. The game, otherwise known as friendship. What determines a partner, a friend, an acquaintance and a passer-by depends on how much effort and the kind of strategy you put into this game. Sometimes, the outcomes are inevitable after a few wrong moves, like what Lee has done.

Life is a game and we are the pawns.

Morning rain

2010-01-04T13:41:00.000+08:00

This morning around 6am it started to rain heavily. I was awaken by the loud splatters on the window ledge and the sound of water that resembles the Niagara Falls, especially when you've just woken up and everything sounds so loud to you. I remembered thinking that if it had been any other year apart from 2010 I would actually be having my breakfast right then, getting ready for school as I sit in front of the fan waiting for my hair to dry from the shower. The last thing I remembered was tweeting about how I loved the smell of rain, and somehow just before I lost consciousness I thought the rain was starting to smell like burnt rubber.

Or was it my fan? I recall it making weird noises in the middle of the night.

The next time I opened my eyes it was 10.51am and the rain had stopped. It was back to the usual sunny, boring and predictable Singapore weather. I got out of bed feeling like I missed something special.

Later, as I made my way to the community centre study room (I'm actually here now, making use of the air-conditioner, electricity and wireless connection - I did pay for the annual membership, after all.) I felt like a complete outsider in my own life. Everywhere around me I see people clad in uniform (mainly PL and St. Gabriel's)and sporting school bags. Despite wearing the class jacket and Cedar house t-shirt I felt like an ingenuine photocopy of a student; I'm just there to pose as one but deep I realise that I do not belong to any official educational organisation any more. At least, not for now.

I don't think first days of school will ever be the same again because the childhood era has officially passed.

I'm working on a new story idea. It came to me when I was in the MRT two nights ago. (Turning point of JK Rowling's life much? I am secretly pleased at the startling similarity) I'm just drafting out the prologue so we'll see how this goes. I should invest a little more hope in it before stashing it into the "Incomplete/Deleted" folder, shouldn't I?

I'm getting the jitters.
It's like O-levels, all over again.
This time it's harder to be mentally prepared.
Yikes.

Looking back

2010-01-03T17:41:00.002+08:00

I can't say I've changed for the better; I can't say I've changed for the worse either.I often find myself sitting at the desk, reading old journal and blog entries, wondering to myself the same thing over and over again.

This year, I will put all my heart into becoming a better person. I'm praying it doesn't backfire. I have issues. I'm still working on them. I'm not keeping my word on anything, but I'm hoping.

I have hope and it's not going to run out anytime soon. I'm grateful enough for that.

Last Day Of Work

2010-01-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

I have no regrets choosing this over Grad Night. ♥

Poor little rich boy.

2010-01-02T10:43:00.000+08:00

The boy next door is an archetype of storytelling. He is often invoked in American contexts to indicate wholesome, unassuming, or "average" masculinity. He is a young man who is just discovering his physical and spiritual strengths, and still maintains an innocent wonder about them. He is the male counterpart of the "girl next door".

There is a set of typical relations he may maintain in the story. The boy next door is often, but not always, the protagonist of a story. As such, his innocence, sincerity, and common origin will often be contrasted with the cleverness, hypocrisy, and privilege of the antagonist.

The boy next door may have a sidekick, who shows somewhat less promise than the boy next door; this will serve to heighten his appeal by contrast. When the boy next door is a sidekick himself, he is often employed to contrast his fresh-faced innocence against the more world wise view of the protagonist. In this scenario, he will often do something well-intentioned but daring which puts him at risk, forcing the protagonist into a course of action to save him.

Often a femme fatale or a girl next door will be pulled between love for the boy next door and her desire for a luxurious life offered by the villain.

In this case, he is most likely someone the protagonist has known for most of her life, but in the past couldn't appreciate because of her age.

As a love interest, the boy next door is always physically close, yet at the same time detached from the protagonist. He is the sweet boy the protagonist sees everyday, a really great friend, or the perfect boy to bring home to her parents.

The cultural and sexual stereotype of the girl next door or the All-American girl is invoked in American contexts to indicate wholesome, unassuming femininity, as opposed to the culture's other female stereotypes such as the tomboy, the valley girl, the femme fatale, girly girl, or the slut.

In the idealised American context, falling in love with the "girl next door" is a classic exemplar of romantic fiction. Unlike the femme fatale, the girl next door does not have hidden plans of her own, because her character and personality are open and straightforward, and because her social, economic, and sexual intentions do not need to be concealed. Unlike the princesse lointaine, she seldom is richer or of a higher social status than the boy protagonist. The girl next door likely is a girl whom the protagonist has known most of his life, but in the past could not appreciate the depth of his feelings for her because of his youth.

Source.
Source.
______

This is just like reading a cliché by itself.
There're millions of stories like that so it won't hurt to write more of it.
(H)

New Year's Resolutions 2010

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

1. Always pass up homework on time.
2. Revise everyday.
3. Be more active in school (Sign up for all sorts of activities).
4. Write fiction regularly.
5. Never be late for any appointment.
6. Lose weight.
7. Be more understanding.
8. Repay kindness.
9. Carpe diem.
10. Learn to love.

#1-6 are more of superficial goals. #7-10 are the ones that I truly want to work on; the spiritual ones. Initially, I wanted to write down, "Curse less often." but I don't think I'm ready for that... yet. I also intended to do it the Amanda way (Goal for 2009: Climb a tree - which she did in the earlier part of the year.) but I figured it wouldn't be satisfying enough for me.

Let's cross our fingers, drop a penny into the Trevi fountain and hope for the best for (the supposed) 3rd last year in the history of time.

Solar bear!

2009-12-31T21:18:00.004+08:00

Thank you so much HSHN.
I wanted to cry when I read your card. It was very touching! :)
Expect a long letter from me.
(H)

I was browsing through ex-PATD videos when I came across this live performance of Build God, Then We'll Talk. The song, of course, not the video. Although there was this part at the beginning where Brendon was gyrating his hips quite suggestively.... Okay never mind.

PATD Live

Don't you just love the way Ryan's voice sounded at 0:33, singing "Along with the people inside"? So boyband-ish. It's a definite contrast from Brendon's usually nasal voice.

I know he looks so different now as compared to the A Fever You Can't Sweat Out years. Back then he was my dream guy with the boyish haricut and the clean-cut good looks and the guitar. His beautiful white Hagstrom guitar that makes him look like a dream guy onstage. :) :) :)

I will not post pictures because I am more than capable of uploading the whole 'Ryan Ross' Google Image search results onto this post.
I will not post pictures.
I will not post pictures.

One wouldn't hurt, would it?

I'd be the happiest girl alive if Ryden (Rydon?) really does exist. :D

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

2009-12-30T08:53:00.004+08:00

This wasn't supposed to happened.
This wasn't.
I'm crying so hard I can't even begin to comprehend what had happened.

12/29/2009 - 05:22
JIMMY "THE REV" SULLIVAN

It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that we tell you of the passing today of Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan. Jimmy was not only one of the world's best drummers, but more importantly he was our best friend and brother. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jimmy's family and we hope that you will respect their privacy during this difficult time.

Jimmy you are forever in our hearts.
We love you.

M Shadows, Synyster Gates, Zacky Vengeance and Johnny Christ

Just one day after a post I dedicated to Avenged Sevenfold, I found out the most tragic news.
Less than 24 hours.
Something like this always happens. Whenever I post something or mention something, there's bound to be news of it within the next 3 days.

It was only yesterday when I still saw Jimmy playing the drums on YouTube.
A few months ago I was watching The Making Of Avenged Sevenfold.
He was the guy who wrote A Little Piece Of Heaven.
He wrote my most favourite song.
He wrote the song that I still listen to every night before I go to sleep.
He wrote the song and now he's gone.

I finally know how MJ fans feel, because this is beyond the realms of emotional dread.

RIP Jimmy Sullivan a.k.a The Rev.

But baby don't cry
'Cause you had my heart
at least for the most part
Cos' everybody's gotta die sometime
We fell apart
Let's make a new start
Cos' everybody's gotta die sometime
Baby don't cry

Jimmy, may you find A Little Piece Of Heaven on the other side. There will never be a Second Heartbeat for you because you're irreplaceable. Have a good Eternal Rest... and I'll see you in the Afterlife.

You had my heart (at least for the most part)

2009-12-29T12:43:00.002+08:00

Okay I guess I got a little distracted by YouTube, but this video is a must-watch. I haven't seen it in months and when I clicked on it again it was simply... mind-blowing.

A Little Piece Of Heaven, Live In The LBC (Time to bring out the DVD to watch again.) My only regret is not having been there to see that concert. On a sidenote, Syn is so adorable with his cute actions and Zacky has the sexiest minister voice.

Darling, your killer smile has got me swooning

2009-12-29T12:08:00.004+08:00

FictionPress is such a charm. I logged on the Internet this morning, wondering what to do when I received an email!

New chapter from Lady Femme Fatale,

Category: Romance
Title: Stumble
Chapter: 22
Chapter Title: 022 Sound
Genre: Romance/Humor
Rating: Fiction Rated: T
Summary: As daughter of a man in charge of the CIA, Gemma knew her father was
overprotective. She just never thought he would assign a man she couldn't
stand to be her bodyguard under the rouse of a fake marriage.

URL: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2721704/22/

I shall begin Chapter 1 today!
Or should I continue on The Champagne Gang? (Speaking of which, what chapter are you at now?)

Adam Lambert Vs. Clay Aiken?

2009-12-28T12:11:00.002+08:00

Definitely Clay.
I'm not a big fan of drag queens. Just the nice, down-to-earth nerdy ones.

Amanda, I can't comment on your blog and I don't know why. Anyway, that would have been the best list, except:
- He insulted Sigur Rós and I am NOT HAPPY. :(
- Miley Cyrus is absolutely flabbergastingly NOT the sexiest tween on the planet (Geez).
- Why is Pink a B-rated star?! She screams feminism and that is good.
- They gave a wrong video for The Fray's How To Save A Life.
- Why is everybody against Nickelback? Their lyrics are honest and I like the emo-melancholic feel of their songs. I'm a Wal-Mart music fan? Fine, so be it.
- I resent his stand on Coldplay being "the most resented/backlash-inspiring new band of the 2k0s".
- He left out Lady Sovereign. That's insulting.

Okay, that's about it!

Off work till Friday.
I definitely need a foot spa. (H)

With heartache and nausea

2009-12-26T12:54:00.004+08:00

He is pretty amazing.

Paramore piano cover.

Silverstein piano cover.

She is pretty amazing.

Paramore piano cover.

They are pretty amazing.

Paramore acoustic cover. Only flaw - they missed out my favourite two lines from the song. But great nonetheless.

They did a goofy video too, pretending they suck.
"Paraless", win (Y).

I'm screaming I love you so
My thoughts you can't decode

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

I love the Ladies Contemp department.
Last night was so high and unexpected.
Audrey, Jennifer, Siti, Stacy, Jayme, Shila, Shu Hui, you guys rock!

And just for the record, to
Priscilla, Lorraine, Pei Qi, Chang Ee, Latiff, Kelly, Evelyn, Sarah, Charlene, Suzanne and to everyone else whose names I have yet to remember, to the staff and promoters I pass by every single day to drop off clothes or to have a friendly conversation, as ell as to whoever controls the store music for playing Jingle Bell Rock multiple times throughout the day just so I can bob to the music silently to my heart's content, to the Bose sound system promoters for blasting Simple Plan by accident yesterday just so I can sing along to Perfect (with Stacy laughing in front of me), to the guy who helped to look for my bag, to the trumpet/percussion guy for making my day memorable, to the security uncles who have to deal with us trampling over your desk and wreaking havoc by throwing bags everywhere just to find ours, to the customers who are tolerant and patient, to the aunties that come and clear the dustbins at the cashiers every hour, (and to the various eye-candies at the store that serve strictly for my own entertainment purposes - hey, you guys are a bonus),

thanks for being such great co-workers.

Merry Christmas, colleagues!

To Lan, Ruoyu, Eunice, Manda, Gene, Daphne, Caroline, Ami, Hasia, Junying, and to everyone else whose names are not listed here because I am far too lazy to type all of it out - don't worry, I haven't forgotten your names -

MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS/SCHOOLMATES!

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T10:01:00.001+08:00

Work has made me lost track of time. It just occured to me that today is Christmas Eve. I haven't gotten any presents for my colleagues! :O

Yesterday was the most bizarre day.

Firstly, I was late for work. Which has never happened. I am never late for important appointments. I know that it's my own fault (Damn you, fictionpress) but at least I made it there just in time for the 15-minute allowance.

Then, I bumped into Florence's mum.
And then Florence.
Half an hour later, I met our HOD of Chinese.
Two hours later my mum scared the fuck out of me by appearing at my side just when I was bobbing my head and singing along to the store music which played Jingle Bell Rock.

During meal break, the MOST bizarre thing happened.

Apparently this boy was carrying a rectangular case and trying to ask the security uncle to place it with the other bags but he wouldn't budge because it was "too bulky" and whatnots.

Uncle: What is inside, anyway?!
Me: Trumpet.
Guy: (glances at me) Er yeah, it's a trumpet.
Uncle: Why on earth would you bring a trumpet here?! ~~~~~~~
Me: (to the guy) Is it your own trumpet?
Guy: Er, no. This is his (refers to his friend). I'm a percussionist.

Now you tell me, why the fuck someone would bring an instrument worth over $5K to work. Still, Jayme and I are determined to find out who these two goons are (H). By the way, if you're wondering, I have no idea what happened to the trumpet in the end.

Anyway two days before, Jayme and I decided to sneak into Swissotel's toilet to change. High-class luxury (H)! If we had knwon that would be our last day working the same shift we should have gone to the hotel every night to change! ): But never mind, we'll definitely have a chance to do that again sometime! :)

Gotta go, work starts soon.

Forever Young

2009-12-23T10:49:00.002+08:00

Derek: Night, Bailey.
Miranda: Sit down.
Derek: What?
Miranda: Sit down!
Derek: You ok?
Miranda: What do you care? With your hair products and your perfect little face, perfect little life. What do you care how I am?
Derek: My perfect little life. Have you been paying attention at all?
Miranda: Yeah, I pay attention. I pay attention! I pay attention to people in all walks of life, all types. I notice people. I see people. It's guys like you who don't see people like me.
Derek: I don't see you?
Miranda: I'm not talking about you, Shepherd. Just guys like you. Who don't see girls like me. We don't exist for you. We exist to do your homework! We exist to build your ego up... I am a successful married mother. I am chief resident, I am CHIEF resident of a major metropolitan hospital! I am a surgeon, who saved his life today! And he still doesn't see me... I may as well still be that high school girl with the mushroom haircut and the coke bottle glasses and the band uniform. The girl who didn't get to go to homecoming dance cause it didn't even occur to him to ask me. All those late nights tutoring him, and it didn't even occur to him to ask?
Derek: Mmm. Band uniform. Really?
Miranda: Do I look like I wanna be mocked by you right now?
Derek: No, you don't. I'm just gonna say one thing. In high school, I was 110 pounds, and I hadn't yet figured out hair product, so I had a big afro. And, um, I had acne... and I too, wore a band uniform. Sax.
Miranda: Oboe.
Derek: I would have been honored to take a girl like you to homecoming.

Yes Ami,
Grey's Anatomy ftw!

PARAMORE Live in Singapore (It rhymes)

2009-12-22T01:09:00.003+08:00

7th March 2010 is looking to be a good, good night.

Not very festive, Santa

2009-12-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

Fuckkkk. I was just sitting down to enjoy the latest Bones episode when...

S05E10 The Goop On The Girl starts off with a cashier having to surrender money to a Santa who has a bomb strapped on him.

Is this some sort of sign because if it is I'm doomed

Numb feet

2009-12-19T20:43:00.002+08:00

I've met so many new co-workers I'm having trouble remembering ther names already. :P

Hong Wei: "Slippers rock mannnnn!"

Funniest quote of the day.

I held a Polish VISA card in my hands this morning. First time in my life. I could barely contain my excitement when I saw the words "VISA Polski" printed at the back. The lady was also very surprised that I've heard of her country. I am certain I've made at least one customer happy today! :)

I finally had a ~~not so~~ decent nap. I actually like the whole drowsy feeling you get when you've slept for hours and you can't differentiate if it's night or day and you just want to continue sleeping until you can sleep no more.

The feeling of sedation.
Yawnnnnnnn.

The Internet is starting to bore me.

Day 1 (Work)

2009-12-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

First day of work went by quite well. I met up with Sarah and Jayme fifteen minutes earlier to change and get ready for our very first day. Technically, our first day is the 22nd, but since we're already stepping onto the sales floor for training, we called this our first day.

Boy, were we nervous. We met up with the last person in our group, Hong Wei (but he barely uttered a few words to us). We knew we were going to be separated when the duty manager started to drop people off one by one at different cashiers. I was posted to the cashier at the Ladies' Designer department (H). The aircon was freezing but I heard that the first floor had it worse.

Basically, what I did for four hours:
- Cashiering transactions (Which, basically, was the main part of my job and ultimately the scariest)
- Folding plastic bags (Pretty fun, actually)
- Remove and pin on sensor tags on clothes (Remove: pass; Pin on: fail)
- Picked up a phone call from god-knows-what department asking for god-knows-what piece of clothing at god-knows-what size (Ultimate Fail). Needless to say, one of the sales manager stepped in and took the call instead.
- Wrapped clothing items in tissue before putting it in the bag (Double fail. My wrapping resembles that of a three-year-old who plasters scotch tape all over a bulky item. Thank god for sales promoters who knew what they were doing)
- Got taught by Jasmine, a senior temporary staff (Technically, she's the same age as me but a million times more experienced and the first to receive letters of commendation from customers (!) Long story short, I was working with a pro. Man, I've got big shoes to fill.)
- Closed the register with Jasmine but most of the time I was lost and confused. A.K.A I didn't read through the notes from the classroom training. (Guilty!)

Most of the time I was feeling very lost and apparently I developed butterfingers for the first time in my life; I kept dropping plastic bags and credit cards (Omfg).

Overall some of the best things were:
1) I didn't get scolded. The staff there are really nice to first-timers!
2) I didn't lose any money. (Phewww. No docking from pay needed, then.)
3) (Most importantly) I didn't get fired, à la most TV shows where, needless to say, a klutz gets fired within minutes of starting a job.

At around 10.45pm, Sarah came over and waited for me. Shortly after that Kelly (one of the sales managers) dismissed me and we headed over to the lingerie department (where Jayme was posted to). We finally got off work at 11.10pm. First day success!

Despite it all, I ♥ the job.

I just wanted to say thanks to Jayme and Sarah. When I first got this job I had a lot of paranoid thoughts in my head, such as not getting along with co-workers and being unhappy with the job. I was beyond relieved when I made friends with Sarah during the briefing and Jayme during the classroom training. I think it was actually a wise decision to stay back and wait for the shuttle bus to Bedok on Tuesday evening; otherwise, we'd never have gotten a chance to bond with each other.

Without each other's support, we wouldn't have made it through our first day! I know we can ace it in the days ahead, so let's make the most of this!

Yes, we must definitely have a late-night supper after work sometime! (H)

Contemplation

2009-12-16T14:36:00.007+08:00

Usually, compositions are fiction. This is not.

It is one of those things that remind me of the past. Tthe new things I encounter, as well as the littlest things that have been in my life all this while that just takes a second for me to pause and I'll be able to notice it. Through mutual friends we know how each other is doing. By word of mouth, we catch the little details that allow us to glimpse into each other's life.

I run a thousand scenarios over in my head every day. I live in the present and simultaneously consider the alternatives. I imagine what the future will be like. I think. ~~A lot~~. ~~Too much~~. Just to see what living another life will be like. Just to feel.

One of the more frequently occuring scenarios would be that I'd undergo brain surgery for something I am not yet able to identify, and wake up remembering everything as it was. It would seem like a miracle considering that most, if not all brain surgery patients fail to keep their whole memory from before.

Yet, no one will notice that I have indeed forgotten one thing. After all, the single numeral is easily missed by the human eye.

I would have lost all memory of you.

I thought to myself how you would react. I would not be able to comprehend your sadness. Or relief. This irresolution is clarified only in your hands; I am incapable of deciding that. I would not be there to share your tears - of anguish or happiness. I can only sympathise, not empathise because I have lost the one thing that still connects us both.

I have lost the memory of us.

Bringing myself back to reality I now realise I no longer sense a fear at the thought of forgetting these memories I have collected over the years. The reason is simple, yet complex. I have learnt to let go. Metaphorically, figuratively, physically, emotionally.

Now, the thought doesn't scare me anymore.

For now, even though I have not lost my memory of you, I am still keeping it at close bay. Just for a sense of security everytime I am faced with the inevitable task of coming to terms with myself. Because these memories remind me of my past. A past I am ashamed yet proud of. A past filled with the worst and the best.

A past that you, me and everyone else has been a part of.
A past that cannot be erased even if it has been forgotten by us.

I'm not so childish anymore; I'm not the same naive person I once was.
I know that, and I hope you will, too.

Indulgence

2009-12-16T12:14:00.003+08:00

I'm re-writing my current draft. It's just not working out.
Writing in chronological order isn't easy. At all.
I think I'm just going to use this story as my guilty pleasure. I'll work on it when I want a break from all the other writing. After all, this is why authors like to write kleeshaye stories, isn't it? So they can feed their hearts with what reality does not. (H)

It's been at the back of my mind since the start of October to write out a short story. I've been meaning to do that and hand it up to Mdm Audra but I was swamped with revising for the other subjects that I just haven't had the time to sit down and work on it.

So here goes. Time to start working on it.

P/S: It's probably going to be a romance in disguise. What can I say? I lack originality.

I'm a fan of Paramore, hear me roar!

2009-12-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

On Paramore's Decode MV.

manda says:
the vid was dumb tho

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
hahaha yeah
kinda ridiculous
running through a forest
singing in a forest

manda says:
hahahahhha

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
unnatural red hair
i believe she was at her reddest

manda says:
mm

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
playing guitar in the foresr
tell me
where got electricity?

manda says:
HAHA
powered by the sparkly vampires probably
or maybe they have a bunch of shirtless werewolves running in a hamster wheel

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
yeah forest generator
how eco-friendly

manda says:
of course!

Darwin

2009-12-14T17:38:00.010+08:00

Webcam quality (almost) always sucks, but my portable camera batteries are flat and I can't find the charger.

My new buddy. I brought him home from IKEA. $29.90 and I carried him all the way home.
It looks real, doesn't it?
I'm happy happy happy. :)

I shall name him Darwin!

Random:
FourPlay String Quartet
Is it me, or is the name a pun?

Found some answers I was looking for.
Behind the name of William/Bill.

^^^^^^^^^^

Some days I pick up a pen, grab a piece of paper and press the tip down. I feel the flush of creatvity... but only for that instant where anything seems possible.

Then, it's gone.

Not in the mood to write. Not now.
Indefinite period of hiatus in writing.

I never imagined I'd ever say this but

2009-12-12T13:29:00.002+08:00

Robert Pattinson rocks.

Now I know you'll want to read it.
Thanks to Amanda for that link. x

Currently reading:
Once Upon A Time.
Wintergirls.

The first and the last.

2009-12-09T21:23:00.001+08:00

I am about to do something I know I may regret for the rest of my life.
But I have no choice.

(...)

Lizzie, Six.

2009-12-09T14:13:00.003+08:00

What are you doing?
I'm watching the moon.
I'll give you the moon
when I get up there.

Where are you going?
To play in the fields.
I'll give you the fields,
bend over that chair.

What are you thinking.
I'm thinking of love.
I'll give you love
when I've climbed this stair.

Where are you hiding?
Deep in the woods.
I'll give you wood
when your bottom's bare.

Why are you crying?
I'm afraid of the dark.
I'll give you the dark
and I do not care.

© Carol Ann Duffy

Chilling to the bone.
Sad.
It made me cry.

A post worth mentioning

2009-12-08T10:52:00.003+08:00

Support Anti-Twilightism.

You deserve this, Aqila!

And just a little more of something else.

The best box set cover. It's so adorable (H)

Yayyyyy :)

James Dagwell

2009-12-07T11:46:00.002+08:00

I believe he's the best-looking BBC news reporter ever.
He shouldn't even be reading the news. Someone, sign this guy as a model already. :D

But still...
"James Dagwell is a BBC News reporter whom is as masculine as he is rugged." (Source: LA Deli)
Damn.
Whyyyyyy!!! :(

And all the best women are married, all the handsome men are gay. - Robbie Williams

Yeah Robbie, I know, I know.

Record

2009-12-06T23:07:00.002+08:00

Daphne says:
Today, I read an MLIA about a Biology teacher who was stumped when someone asked why 2 Muggles could have a wizard child. A week ago, my Biology teacher used the various wizard families from Harry Potter to explain the entire inheritance topic. We all fully understood. MLIA

Daphne says:
WHY ISN'T M------- W--- THIS COOL

I MISS:
- My so-called editor and proofreader. Where on earth are you! :( My story has progressed from morbid to sadistic and you're not even here to try and stop me! :( Hahaha.
- Shitter!!!!
- Reading kleeshaye romance fiction
- My freedom from next week onwards

I'm begging you to be my escape.

2009-12-05T12:00:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I dropped by the BodyWorlds exhibition! Along with Florence, Amanda, Gene, Daphne, Dorothy and Sarah. Though we only had 3 hours it was still worthwhile. Apparently, Manda, Gene and I had a feminist streak. Who knew? We were kinda irked that most of the plastinates were male. Although, some really do have nice genitalia. (Now, pretend I never said that.) Purchased a keychain at the end of the exhibition. It's quite cool how they take a picture of everyone who went in.

(All taken from the phone camera. Pardon the low image quality.)

Decided to take 105 all the way from Jurong to Serangoon, since I had the time to spare. Despite the long, loooong journey I didn't mind because I got to see the Orchard lights along the way. The total bus journey took 1h 40mins. :D

I have to say this, because sometimes I really find this annoying.
Is it that hard to manage a blog? I manage 3 blogs and I make sure I post regularly in it. I mean, come on! If you're not going to post/update anything at all, just delete your blog and save domain space. The WWW is getting crowded.

Speaking of wasting domain space, I was on Mystery Google (aka Mystery Seeker) when I came across this website. It's hilarious.

http://thingsididlastnight.com

So last night was an insomniatic one again. I was tossing and turning in bed for more than 2 hours, when I decided to pen down the story plot I had in my mind so far. (My mind is the most imaginative just before I fall asleep.) Since I am practically night-blind (I hate carrots.) and can't even find the light switch, I had to settle for fumbling for my notebook and pen (right next to my pillow) and jotting things down in the dark.

Result:

There's a whole other page more of that. :P

Sidenotes

I FOUND A FULL SET OF VIDEOS ONLINE FOR BONES.
Without Megavideo. That son of a bitch video host.
I am HAPPY. :)

I played computer Hearts for 2 hours last night. Shot the moon once. ;)

There you are, with your perfect ways

2009-12-03T17:47:00.002+08:00

I've come to realise that sample music that you find in new computers and phones aren't always that bad/cheesy. Mum bought a new Nokia phone recently and I was scrolling through the music when I found this amazing band.
Simple, truly, astonishingly amazing band.

Check them out.
"a Florida-based band popular for its strong acoustic roots and constant drive toward a melody- and harmony-driven rock sound"

You know what I mean.

Try Change Your Mind. It's in the playlist by the side.

Sweet Sixteen scares the hell outta me

2009-12-03T00:23:00.005+08:00

Soooooo. I was watching My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV just a few hours back (because there's really nothing else to watch). I have nothing else to say, except that I am sixteen as well, and I sure as hell am not as, a) bitchy b) bimbotic c) dumb d) spoilt as they are.

All that time as I stared at the screen, my face was morphed into one single expression.

It's amazing how these people are the same age as I am.

Off to write a romantic scene.
No, Daphne, they will not get struck by lightning and die in each other's arms.
Ha.

**********

I haven't laid eyes on you since the last time I watched Hilary Duff onscreen.
The last time I saw you, you were plotting a great humiliation plan for your sister.

...
Wow.
Jake Thomas, you've grown so much since the Lizzie McGuire days.
I think... you're my new celebrity crush.
Haha.

(I feel a little guilty thinking that you resemble Oliver Phelps.
But you do.)

Overdrive.

2009-12-01T21:59:00.004+08:00

All the Polish language resources I've gathered adds up to around 700 pages worth of documents, grammar, vocabulary lists and lexicals.

Either my printer or my brain will die first.

This is going to be another one of those posts.

2009-11-30T23:45:00.005+08:00

I miss the old school so much it hurts.
I'd give anything to go back to what it was two years ago.

I'd give everything.
Every fucking thing.

If I had the chance to go back to what it was two years ago, I'd work harder.
I'd work harder to keep everything I had then.
I'd have gone off to IP.
I'd have avoided everything that happened in 2008.
I'd have an alternate reality of 2008.
I'd have avoided doing things I will regret for the rest of my life.
I'd have lived a life, which, at 15, would not be fucked up.
I'd have kept friends I never meant to lose.
I'd have learnt to apologise.
I'd have learnt not to miss someone so badly.
I'd have learnt how to let go.
I'd have learnt how to be more disciplined.
I'd have learnt to accept change.
I'd have been a better friend.
I'd have been a better daughter.
I'd be more understanding
I'd be less selfish
I'd be less selfish
I'd be less selfish
I'd
be
~~okay~~

I'd much rather be the oblivious kid back then with a drama-queen attitude to match.
It'd be so much easier.
But it's not.
Life wins. We lose.

Do I miss the school?
Or do I miss the life instead?

青空のナミダ

2009-11-30T12:09:00.003+08:00

どんな運命が　待っているんだろう
悔やみたくないよ　生まれたこと
悲しみの中に　勇気がある
輝きつかむと　信じている

降りしきる　青空のナミダ
いつの日か　笑顔に変えるよ

- 高橋瞳

It's like a soap opera.

2009-11-29T16:06:00.005+08:00

I went to bed last night at 7 in the evening. The next thing I knew, it was 9 this morning. 14 hours - give me my crown.

Long story short.

1. Slept over at Cathlin's house by the beach.
2. Ironically, we didn't even go to the beach. Weather is f-.
3. Played pool for the first time together with Sam. B)
4. Spent over $30 on food in 3 days. FML.
5. Played Risk (with our own rules - even Wikipedia couldn't help us dumb people) and won 15 territories. I was the Eurasian tyrant.
6. Played The Game Of Life. Went through life in half an hour and retired with 1 husband, a pair of male twins, a son, and an adopted pair of female twins. I left Tan as a single mother raising 4 kids. It's not my fault. Most of the little male figures were missing anyway.
7. Played Payday. Emily still owes her debt of $24,000+.
8. Emily has these late-night calls every night. It's amazing how she actually locks herself in a room and talk until she comes out. Turned out she only came out because she could barely breathe in the stuffy room.
9. Nearly killed my kidneys eating extra-salty chips, twisties, wang wangs and instant noodles. Just about killed my bladder drinking Ribena like water.
10. Went for Cedar Open House. What can I say? I still pine for the old school I had two years ago. This one is too new.
11. Lunched with Gene. Note to self: Never order 10 dumplings fr 2 people when we already have a bowl of noodles with that.
12. Since we were so full, we ~~walked~~ hiked all the way to SPCA (through the Mount Vernon way. When we were in the office there was this boy who was crying because he had to give his rabbit away after he developed asthma. It was quite sad :(

Some days I wish you'd say goodbye.

I didn't mean to see it, but when I saw your name I just... had to click and see how your life has been so far. I didn't mean to stumble upon your secret, really. I feel like I shouldn't know. I don't think I deserved to, not after all that. Especially not when you said, "Keep this a secret between us!"

A secret that wasn't meant for me.
(I'm sorry.)

But for what it's worth... I'm happy for you.
I really am.
:)

If we don’t make it alive
Well, it’s a hell of a good day to die
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

Oh

2009-11-25T22:10:00.000+08:00

Here it goes,
here it goes,
here it goes again.

I like to slice up an apple or a pear, place it down on the table next to me, pick up a book and start reading, occasionally glancing at the plate of fruit that ever so slowly turns a darker shade of brown than before.

Is that weird? Haaaa.

Catch of the Clichés

2009-11-25T12:34:00.011+08:00

Sooo. I finally got down to playing JamLegend after much persuasion. Hmmm.
Why do I find that SCGMD2/SCGMD3 is still more fun?
Still, the website isn't so bad because it has every imaginable song playable.
It'll be so awesome to play A7X on JamLegend.

I made the dumbest mistake though. I chose to play Canon In D Rock as my first song. 5 minutes of torture. The entire time I was just going "Shit when the hell is this going to end?". Simultaneously I was talking on the phone, and taking orders from my mum who was standing behind and nagging at me.

Multi-tasking WIN.

Anyway, back to the story. I think I should write down why I'm doing this - consistently updating on the progress of my story every day. I want to look at it a year from now and see how it actually went as a whole. I think it'll actually be quite fulfiling, if not comical as well. :)

To put it briefly, yes I am still going to write a cliche. I just have this compelling need to cry and wail my heart out while writing a romantic cliche scene.
I'm kidding. Not.

I am absolutely certain I have used the word 'cliche' over a hundred times in the past two days. It's actually starting to be an eyesore -____- So from now on, I will use kleeshaye. HAHA (H).

Some major changes to the story. I completely swopped the whole story around. The guy shall now be the messed-up one with the messed-up family and the messed-up relationship. The girl shall be the not-so-messed-up one, living with low self-esteem issues and antisocial personality.

More...

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
I think I am a very sadistic writer

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
I ruin teenage lives

Hui Shan says:
Our lives ARE ruined!!

Hui Shan says:
Hahaha maybe not but still

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
I give them broken families, teenage angst, lots of tears, heartbreak, suicide and agony

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
What A Wonderful World they live in

Hui Shan says:
and abusive fathers!!!!!!

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
YEAH OMG

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
SHIT I DID A CLICHE

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAA

*********

Hui Shan says:
Make it subtle

Hui Shan says:
Or they could be like sworn enemies

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHA

Hui Shan says:
CLICHE TTM

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHA YES THAT IS CLICHE

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
(I think that word is overused in our conversations already HAHA)

Hui Shan says:
(Ikr!!!)

*********

Hui Shan says:
I'm reading Paulo Coelho!

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
I (L) The Alchemist

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
'Cos I read that in P6 and I thought it was one of the most easily understandable adult novels

Hui Shan says:
I'm reading Veronika(HAHAHAH MY K!!) decides to die

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Don't tell me you got that book because of the name

Hui Shan says:
NOOOOO HAHA

Hui Shan says:
The synopsis sounds (Y)

Hui Shan says:
"24 yo Veronika seems to have everything-youth and beauty, boyfriends and a loving family, a fulfilling job. But something is missing in her life. So, one cold Nov morning, Veronika decides to die. She takes a handful of sleeping pills, expecting never to wake up. But she does-at a mental hospital where she is told that she has only days to live."

Hui Shan says:
HAHAH

Hui Shan says:
Intriguing

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
YEAH

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Why only days to live

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
:-O

Hui Shan says:
Cuz the pills damaged her heart or something

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Might as well just go ahead and die one more time right

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
-.-

Hui Shan says:
YEAH

Hui Shan says:
Idk I'm only at the beginning

Hui Shan says:
HAHA

*********

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
You know, it's like we all know what cliche stories are like but somehow

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
We just like to write more of it

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
We want to read more

Hui Shan says:
Yes (H)

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Ehhhh "Every time I feel something for you it just sort of happens, I'm sorry about that"

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Sounds cliche, where'd you get it

Hui Shan says:
PS I LOVE YOU

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hui Shan says:
That line was so (U)!!!!!!

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
OMG WE WIN AT SPOTTING CLICHES

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHAHA AND CREATING THEM

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

*********

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
You know I was so bummed yesterday cos I finished Always & Forever (at least until the last update)

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
thennnnnnnnnn so stupid k

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
She used a scene I'd been planning to write for months

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
The whole girl and guy alone together, somehow end up wrestling/tickling each other, guy happens to land on top of girl

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
and you know the rest

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
DAMNIT I WAS SO SAD

Hui Shan says:
HAHA

Hui Shan says:
OMG

Hui Shan says:
:-O

Hui Shan says:
Aiya

Hui Shan says:
Use mine

Hui Shan says:
Girl walks into guy

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
.........................

Hui Shan says:
Wtf happened to me before you know

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
WHATTTTTTTTTT?

Hui Shan says:
YEAH

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Omg was it romantic

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHA

Hui Shan says:
uh

Hui Shan says:
NO

Hui Shan says:
AWKWARD

Hui Shan says:
HAHAHAH

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
.........

Hui Shan says:
AWKWARD (tu)

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Eh okay awkward is good

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Good for cliches

Hui Shan says:
Yeah or you could try accidentally stepping on guy's foot

Hui Shan says:
or tripping and falling (ULTIMATE)

Hui Shan says:
which all happened to me

Hui Shan says:
PART OF MY LIFE IS A CLICHE :-O

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile says:
Aw man you'd make a hilarous main character

Jack likes to Macarena.

2009-11-24T12:29:00.009+08:00

This is why I love ATL so much.
Those 2 (Garskath, not the girl who was interviewing at first) make the perfect best buds. And Garskath has such a killer smile.

Buzznet Interview

"Manwhore."
"My mum."

"Did you have a positive high school experience?"
"No. I was pregnant."

JACK BARAKAT: ULTIMATE WIN.

This one's Alex's interview. Roughly the same questions.

Baby I'm no Fred Flintstone but I can make your Bedrock! <- BEST PICK-UP LINE. HAHAHAHA.

Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore

2009-11-24T09:45:00.004+08:00

Navigate Me is on repeat. HAHA I know what that song is writing about. But the chords are really nice.

Soooooooooo.
After last night, I got 3298 words done.
First chapter is 3274 words. Just wrote out the first few sentences of the second chapter to maintain my writing momentum. Hah. Oh well.
Grandfather's story much?
Then again, I should have joined NaNoWriMo this year. I think I can actually reach 50,000 if I do this every night. Assuming I make the exact same progress every day I can finish it in 30.32 days. HAHA.

~~Linnea~~ Ashleigh.
~~Jordan~~ ~~Luke~~ Damien.

I thinkkkkkkkkk
I have a serious problem with naming my characters.
Actually I wanted to stick to Ashley and Jordan, but I realised halfway through that they are both unisex names. Hence there may be trouble differentiating the genders. Oh whyyyyyyyyy. Luke is a nice name, but it just doesn't seem right with the female name. And yes Amanda, I er, borrowed your friend's name. Because it looks nice.
Let's hope the names stick.

Sorry, Huishan. I can't use your Star Wars joke inside anymore. (HAHA)

So much teenage-ridden angst and drama unfit for people our age. I think it's too intense for a debut fiction story. How now brown cow...?
Happy or sad ending?

Anybody remembers the scene from Becoming Jane? (Yes, the one with Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy)

Cassandra Austen: A letter?
Jane Austen: No. It's something I began in London. It is the tale of a young woman. Two young women. Better than their circumstances.
Cassandra Austen: So many are.
Jane Austen: And two young gentlemen who receive much better than their deserts as so very many do.
Cassandra Austen: How does the story begin?
Jane Austen: Badly.
Cassandra Austen: And then?
Jane Austen: It gets worse. With, I hope, some humour.
Cassandra Austen: How does it end?
Jane Austen: They both make triumphant, happy endings.
Cassandra Austen: Brilliant marriages?
Jane Austen: Incandescent marriages. To very rich men.

Yes. Guilty as charged - this very scene where Jane tells her sister about Pride and Prejudice was what inspired me.

I'll decide the ending when I get there.

How are you guys? Having a naise day?
(Damnit HS you and your spellings HAHA)

Watch Take. One of the most intense and captivating movies I have ever watched. Mature themes of gambling addiction and death penalty, but it's as real as it gets. Starring Minnie Driver of Good Will Hunting.

3am and writing.

2009-11-23T10:24:00.007+08:00

I have finally discovered my most productive period of the day. Alas, the wee hours of the morning have proven themselves worthy.

I completed a chapter in 2 hours. That is, by far, the longest I've ever written in one shot.

I finally slept at 4.30am, only to be woken up by my dear mother 3 hours later. ~~Fuck~~, I am beyond drained.

Nonetheless, I continued to edit the chapter this morning and finally hit a total word count of...

I am rather tempted to bring it up to over 2000, but I shan't. A story isn't judged by the number of words. :)

I felt the compelling need to write a cliche. HAH deprived much? It's a complete FictionPress-type of cliche romance. Lots of drama and angst in the further chapters. Shall write three more chapters before I post the first one. Don't expect a great iconoclastic novel.

Happy, happy, happy :D

P/S: Happy Sweet 16, Carol! Took you long enough.

PP/S: Changed the header.... back to the one at the previous site. It's still my favourite.

2009-11-22T13:00:00.004+08:00

Favourite Anna Nalick cover. I love the slightly more jazzed cover of the song.

Franklin
The most beautiful solo cover of Paramore. Quality isn't the best but it's worth listening to.
Franklin #2 This one is a pretty good duo cover (both male and female parts of the song).

Now reading: Always And Forever.

SPN is on the list!!!

2009-11-20T20:38:00.003+08:00

AMANDA JOY EBER YOU HAVE SHOCKED ME BEYOND THE REALM OF SHOCK.

You know when I said that the avatars have references to your favourite shows I WAS referring to this all along considering that this is also my favourite avatar because it makes a reference to the only reason I watched HP.

Okay byee. I will be sending you this post through email HAHA.

Had my first Sakae buffet today witht he gang. Very worth it leh, especially the Mochi ice-cream. Thanks, Ruo Yu! :^D

Writers' Block for the umpteenth time.

2009-11-20T09:24:00.004+08:00

I'm in yet another bout of writers' block.
I've churned out over 20 manuscripts in the past four days and all but one end up getting scrunched and thrown into the bin. The ideas just don't flow. Very, very frustrated here.

But then again, I've come to notice that I cannot write in the morning, nor in the afternoon. I always do it in the evening, till the wee hours of the morning.

And since I'm not so much of a morning person...
Time to load the coffee machine once again.

Random but important and possibly life-changing: I want to meet Sarah Dessen, Jeff Abbott and onlyyouandme (formerly from Quizilla). They are the only reasons I keep writing no matter what. You guys rock, and I cannot say this enough.

Okay, okay

2009-11-18T16:37:00.003+08:00

Awesome recommendation.
Stumbled upon this post by accident.

Lidi @ LJ

Best harry potter icons. Definitely a tie with the Potterpuffs. :)

P/S: Amanda, the avatars alot of references to your favourite shows. Haha.
Love the twins part.

Do not mess with a Bones-Season-1-deprived girl.

2009-11-18T14:25:00.004+08:00

WHERE IS ITTTTTTTTT OMG.

I am quite certain my IP address has made it to one of the most frequent users on Google in the past hour. I am positive I have already wrought havoc throughout the Google search engine and I still cannot find a single decent channel that can let me watch Bones Season 1. They only have the latest seasons which I can easily watch from countless of sources but WHERE ARE THE OLDER SEASONS!

Ooooh look, Eric Millegan in the older seasons of Bones. I can't get past his baby face. It's so adorable. So what if he's gay? I can still pine for him. :)

2009-11-17T13:19:00.003+08:00

In 3 minutes

I lay on my bed, eyes wide awake
In the dark and still nght of the late
Whispers that echo silently in my ear
A sweet, gentle comfort that erases fear
I feel the presence of warmth beside me
But the night is dark, and you I cannot see.

© Sherilyn; 17.11.2009
1:17 PM, Bedroom.

A hunger that creeps silently
silently killing
from within

2009-11-16T00:49:00.001+08:00

I want to be made.
Just watch me.

2009-11-14T11:56:00.003+08:00

Google Map Search: 60063

Ανατολικός Όλυμπος
Greece

Do you believe in destiny ?

I think it's predestined.
Someday, I'm going to East Olympos because my index number says so. :)
I love the fourth and the last picture, it's taken in Paleo Panteleimonas.

I AM FREE

2009-11-13T17:41:00.007+08:00

Omg I WANT THESE.

DAMN GOOD

(This is the BEST OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME.)

For those who don't get this, Sun's energy = fusion, nuclear reactors = fission. It was under Nuclear Physics but they took it out of the O syllabus because it was too goddamned difficult to comprehend even the mere basics.
Gotta give it to you, Einstein.

RSVP

2009-11-12T17:24:00.005+08:00

(Click to enlarge)

This is why I love my senior so.
Check out the picture for the event.
Purely an inside joke, so don't try to understand it.
Voldie's our mascot!

How are you today? I am fine, because I only have to sit in the hall and cramp my ass for one more hour tomorrow before I'm free.

Roflrazzi is great.
This one made me choke on my Lipton tea. God, do I miss Terminator. It's definitely going on my list of movies to rewatch.

On the other hand though...

Only she never did stop taking it, and died at the age of 47 from an OD.
RIP Judy Garland. You'll always be there, somewhere over the rainbow.

The moment we met the earth stopped turning

2009-11-11T18:23:00.006+08:00

You know, when I first watched Shane Dawson's parody of Bad Romance I figured it was some made-up tune that he was singing.

Turns out I was wrong.

I have not seen anything so horrifying in my life.

That aside, how's everybody?

I recorded X-Men and watched it for the umpteenth time. James Marsden steals my heart every single time. Also, Famke Janssen is definitely one of the most beautiful actresses ever. I think they make the perfect on-screen couple :)

I've found a new hobby - searching Google Maps whenever I'm bored. Aside that, it comes along handy too. Whenever I write a story I can't come up with nice names for places such as schools so looking at street names all over the world gives me inspiration. Did you know that keying in random 5/6-numbered postal codes can actually bring you to places? Most of the time, there's always a result.

The first time I did so, I randomly selected 46261.

Vänersborg Municipality
Sweden

And 93343, which gave me:

Essing
Germany

I also tried the first five digits of my O-level index number, 21460

Époisses
France

Have fun!

P/S: Alexis, Kasey or Marissa? Just a random poll.

PP/S: Have I told you guys how much I love this tumblr? They have the best lyrics there, and on top of that they're all beautified with fonts, colours and photos.

PPP/S: Should I change my blog title? As much as I really like it, I know they're many more out there that are awesome as well. Some suggestions:
- You give me that electric twist (Fine Frenzy)
- Up all night, got demons to fight. (Anybody knows who sang this? It's all over on Tumblr but I just don't know who the artist is)
- Life is like an old cassette that you can't rewind (Daniel Merriweather)
- We've got the vision, now let's have some fun. (MGMT)
- The night is young and so are we. (Debelah Morgan)
- Make this last, take it slow. (All Time Low)
- 'Cause you remind me of a time when we were so alive (Paramore)

Personally, I really like the last one. Please comment! (Except Daphne, since she still doesn't know how to use the comment button.)

2009-11-10T16:24:00.003+08:00

Two more papers to go and I'm free.
Free.

F R E E.

Now, how does that look?

Boo!

2009-11-09T14:16:00.002+08:00

Still my favourite Disney movie.

For Gene. You owe me.

2009-11-07T11:08:00.005+08:00

1. When You Own The Universe [FictionPress]
2. The Bluest Eyes [FictionPress]. I can't really remember but I think this one has a sex scene. HAHA.
3. Warning: Hardcastle Boys Have Terrible Reputations [Quizilla]
4. Your Secret's Safe With Me (An Oliver Wood Story) [Quizilla] HAH yes I am a fanfic fan (?). But I can barely even remember this story. If I'm not wrong, also got sex scene. -.-
5. Maybe, Maybe, This Is Destiny (an Alex Garskath story) [Quizilla]
6. BOOMxheadshot [Quizilla author]. Actually, I just put it here because she has a Ryan Ross fanfic that I want to read. HAHA.
7. strangexxmayhem [Quizilla author]. Another one, co-authors. Haven't really read their stories yet.
8. Walls Apart [FictionPress)]

Shit. I just spent one hour looking for the Quizilla username I forgot. I found my old account at first, but it's pointless because it doesn't even link to my new account. ARGH. So after one hour of backtracking through my 3 previous email accounts, six different passwords and major brain-cracking, I found it.
beneaththenightsky
~~Bloody fuck~~

Okay. Numbers 1 to 5 are good stories. And honestly, there're tons more that were great, but sadly, Gene, you've discovered online fiction at a time where plagarism is prevalent. Some of the best authors have already taken down all their work because they have been plagarised more than once (or should I say 50?) times. I still think Quizilla's youandmeboth was the greatest author ever. She invented the 'girl in an all-boys school' story idea that is now overexploited and used by so many (unqualified) authors online. She was the author of original and genuine works!!! Just google her username and you can still find people asking where she went, even though she quit writing online fiction 4 years ago. She doesn't post stories anymore, although she can still be found on the WWW at Ultimate Storylist (see Links) where she, along with two other ex-Quizilla users, run the awards site. If you still want more stories, then go to Some Kind of Wonderful (SKoW)(once again, see Links). Ultimately though, you have to look for your own stories to read because I believe my preferences are very different from yours.

As for Numbers 6 to 8, those are just stories/authors I want to try out after O-levels. I haven't had a chance to read them yet.

However, if by some stroke of, er, magic at work, and you like the abovementioned stories, then go check out Sarah Dessen. Her books are the best young adult fiction novels. Best OF ALL TIME. (Okay shut up with the Kanye impersonation already, Sherilyn)

:)
Enjoy!

I'm telling you, YOU OWE ME BIG TIME.

5 papers to go!!!!!

2009-11-06T22:03:00.003+08:00

Let me reinforce this one more time.
I LOVE TOKIO HOTEL.
Mainstream radio can't ever take that away from me.
:)

By the way, two posts ago, I wanted to include a video but I guess I forgot so here it is. I watch this on a daily basis. This is one of Ellen's best pranks so far. Oh, Taylor. Priceless reaction.

I want to go on homestay in England!

(Very capricious post. I'm aware of that.)

During the storm

2009-11-05T14:17:00.002+08:00

I wanted to enjoy the rain so I put on my slippers, walked over to the staircase landing and looked up into the skies, enjoying the cold splatter of the rain onto my skin, feeling my shirt getting wetter and heavier by the second, the droplets multiplying on my spectacle lenses, blurring my vision.

One day, I'd like to go out and dance in the rain.
It'd be nice.